Lord, Make Me a True Elder
From greatness to grace
We were sitting in my car, just before my first day of class at Ball State. I was so excited to be finally going to college. I was going to be majoring in art and this day was to be the beginning of my first drawing class. My friend and I were praying together. He started out praying for me. In his prayer he asked the Lord for something to the effect that I would rise to the top of my classes as example of what it means to be a great Christian artist. I liked that. I felt my chest puff up a little as I heard my friend’s words.
Most of my life has been one of desire to really BE someone great; one who accomplishes great things for God. I felt that I could rise to the top in anything I put my mind to.
In time I would graduate with a fairly good GPA; I would become a professor of art in a few different universities; an artist and later a hospital chaplain, and a pastor. I don’t think I particularly rose to the top in any of these areas. As I find myself aging I am pretty sure I will never rise to the proverbial top of anything; in fact, I am closer to being put at the bottom of a grave than at the top of some career. I will never be great; I will never be famous, and that is ok.
Mopping the floor with the Goo Goo Dolls
I found myself reflecting on these things as I was listening to the Goo Goo Dolls, too loud, in my EarPods and mopping the bathroom floors in our building. I started out my working life as a janitor mopping floors and cleaning bathrooms. That day when my friend prayed that prayer, I was working as a janitor at the local newspaper offices in Muncie. I wanted more than anything to get out of that dead end job and onto something that fulfilled me. I had talent; I had youthful energy and passion to make something of myself.
The downward path
One thing I love about the teaching of Richard Rohr is his emphasis on the two halves of life. In his book, Falling Upward, he explains how in the first half we seek to build a life of significance; to acquire success and maybe even fame in the first half of life, but the day comes for us all when we realize the temporary nature of life and we begin to evaluate the things we spent so much energy on. Sometimes we may even regret all those years. This is where many folks enter the stage called midlife and they make really dumb decisions, like purchasing a car they can’t afford or starting an affair. The realization that we spent so much energy on things that really don’t matter can be quite jarring.
As Rohr points out, the real calling for Christ followers is to true elder-ship. A true elder, says Rohr, is someone who has moved beyond ego, control, and the need to prove themselves, and instead lives with wisdom, compassion, and generative love.
I remember, after reading that book, praying, “Lord, make me a true elder.” I don’t want to become an angry old man as I age. I desire to age gracefully and die knowing I did what was truly mine, in Christ, to do; that I actually lived a Christ-like life.
I reflected, while mopping that floor, sad for the fact that I spent such an inordinate amount of time and energy desiring some kind greatness and fame as an artist and a minister, that I failed to be great as a father, husband, grandfather. I hope my remaining elder years will be different.
Of course I still have the desire for people to know Christ; I still want to create beautiful artistic things and write things that matter; things that invite people into an ever deepening relationship with Jesus. I just no longer feel the need to be famous or great at these things, I don’t need to “rise to the top” in these areas.
What really matters?
I most certainly no longer want material things. I have “owned” (rather, the bank owned) a couple homes. I have worked hard to live the American dream of owning a home; owning a couple cars and a yard with the proverbial white picket fence and all that. Been there, done that. These things, thank God, simply no longer hold an attraction for me.
I love living in community with other folks who have abandoned this modern expectation. I feel content not owning a bunch of material things. When I leave this world I want my kids to grieve without having to deal with a bunch of stuff they don’t really want. Often kids feel guilty for getting rid of their parents stuff after they die and end up with a garage full of boxes filled with stuff they don’t really want.
What’s next for me?
Here’s my desire going forward in the remainder of my life; to let God love me and allow that love to flow through me to others. I want no other agenda to block the flow of the love of God through me to others. This seems like a pretty tall order in this day and age; I will need the grace of the Lord through his Holy Spirit to make this happen.
God is inviting me to true elder ship; to be a conduit of his love and grace and an unhindered flow of love in the context of my family and my community.
What is God’s invitation to you at whatever particular stage of life you’re in? Let me know in the comments. I’d love to begin a conversation about these things with you.
Well, as you know, I have had the absolute pleasure of watching the Lord work through you and to others. How do I know this? How can I be 100% certain of this? Well, I am the other in this equasion, and im blessed to call you my friend!